the way my doctor treats me

he must thinkI enjoy vomitting & sufocating
from my medication every night, but then
like most of my last three years, I get nearly
held at gun point for trying to live my life,

have a few dreams of a local hottie ending
up dead, try to stand up over the issue &
get locked up the precursor to that was
calling the rape of the daughter of a friend,

4 weeks late, yep got raped, then a few
months ago died in a booze anti-depressant
action,

yep, I guess I'm crazy huh,

like most big things in other orders, you
can know so much that you think you can
put your hand in a jar & not end up
with a viper on your arm, but then in
a realistic world you wouldn't be able to
use it as a weapon they way it looks
on the Tele,

if you know so much that you think
you can do tricks like that you're way
 bigger than me,

if knowing so much got a guy what
he wanted I imagine paranoia might get you
before a prize for knowing so much
that you need to look in the mail of
everyone to cover your back side
that you just end up knowing enough to
have enough body gaurds to cover your
bottom but if JFK can't get enough
protection or having the wrong hands on
deck got you what you tried to push away,

they say both stalin & hitler & may Mao too
or even Kim jong Il may have been cleaning
the deck of his hands cuz they knew who
to trust, as in not those distrust worthy
enough to double cross their former employers
& think that the next guy would then trust them,

the way I've begun dealing with my
nights of vomitting & suffocating is I imagine
like a dissosiative personality & that being a
part of my life & has dissisiated myself
from, probably the only way I could deal
with it, the nights brutal, but yep, I'm very
sure it's like a dissociated part of my life,

the nights brutal, but I'm sure it's like a
dissociative type thing, when I'm there
yep it hurts, but during the day it's not
there, but yep, the nights aren't easy
which is why I wait till late to sleep,

most people don't really know what
 reality is though till they have to face it,

when the ballistic attack china has for
North America at large happens, yep
we're in the day so far till night falls,

I imagine I'm not the only one to talk
about that, it used to be Reagan's wet
dream for a war with Russia, but age
fell on the old codger,

I'm sure that was fun for Martin sheen
to play in the west wing & a more than
 lame duck to play out,

double entedre or what you will, as he
play in the dead zone, funny how things
can swirl down the drain,

if you can't count to ten, I'm sure someone
can teach you,